A Taste of Family Life

Our train ride from Hyderabad to Bhubaneswar was 23 hours, and we had plenty of time to get to know that people riding around us. Sitting across the aisle was a young Indian man and his mother. They struck up a friendly conversation about our travels and we talked to them for awhile. Nearing the city, we began to look in our guide book to find a hotel to stay in. Our new friends took notice, and insisted that we stay with them instead of spending money on a hotel. At first we demurred, saying that there was three of us and we couldn’t possible impose. They were persistent, and we finally agreed, although we were still feeling hesitant. Ferida, the mother, called home to let her daughter-in-law know that guests would be arriving for dinner, and before we could protest any further is was all arranged.
We took the short trip from the rail station to their home, which was a lovely 3 bedroom flat near the center of the city. They were a small family, just five members. Ferida’s husband had died of cancer the year before, leaving her with their two sons, Mispa and Salman. Mispa’s wife, and their maid Mousy also stayed in the flat. They had us put our bags into the guest room, and fed us a meal of biryani. It was our first home-cooked meal since South Africa, and it was delicious! Eager to please, the boys took us to meet their fried, Raju, and the five of us went out to explore Bhubaneswar at night. It was a Friday night, but the city is small, and there isn’t much to do except head to the mall, so that’s what we did. After a couple hours of checking out the local “hot spots” we went home. It was dinner time, and even though we had just eaten a few hours before, we couldn’t refuse the tasty meal.
Staying with the family gave us a unique opportunity to see the social structure of the home, which is quite different from ours. Women in India are very much respected and appreciated, but gender roles in India are still very clearly defined in a way that doesn’t exist in American these days. Of course as guests, these gender roles didn’t apply to us, and we were treated with the utmost respect and care. Meal times were strange for us because of the eating order. In America, everyone sits down to dinner together. While the host is usually responsible for preparation and clean-up, it is not unheard of for guest to help out in these areas. During our stay with the Khan family, there was a distinct order to the food service. As guests, we were served first, by the sons. Once we had finished eating, Mispa, the oldest son would eat, followed by the women and Salman. This felt very awkward to us, and after the first two meals, Mispa began eating with us at our invitation, but the woman would always eat last, and often not until we had gone to bed for the evening.
The sleeping arrangements were also strange. In America it is standard practice for guest to sleep in a guestroom/office, etc. or even on the couch. Rarely does a member of the family give up their room. In this case, Leon and I were given one room, Rachel another, and the five members of the Khan family slept in the remaining room together. Again this seemed awkward to us. The one room was plenty large enough for the three of us, and we tried insisting that we sleep this way, but they refused, saying that they wanted to give us our privacy.
Our first full day in Bhubaneswar was a Monday, and Mispa took that day off work so that he, Salman, ad their friend Raju could show us around. They took us to the Sun Temple, the most beautiful temple in the state of Orissa. Though centuries old, the temple was in pristine condition and the carvings and gardens were well worth the long drive. After our trip there, we went to the large Buddhist Temple that sits on a hill overlooking the city. The view from the top was spectacular. Our final stop was the caves near town. Nowhere near as large or impressive as the Ellora caves, they did provide a nice place to sit and watch the sunset over the city.
Our second day in Bhubaneswar, the boys took us to the zoo. I was hesitant to go, because I was unsure of what conditions would be at a zoo in a developing country, but curiosity and manners led us to go. We packed (or rather the ladies packed) a picnic lunch for us, and we enjoyed our meal in a shady park in front of the zoo before walking to see the exhibits. The facilities were not up to the standards that one sees in an American zoo, but they weren’t as bad as I had imagined either, and there were noticeable efforts to improve the animal welfare.
After three nights in Bhubaneswar, we were ready to move on. We loved staying with the Khans, but we didn’t want to overstay our welcome, and our time in India was coming to a close quicker than we had thought possible. We boarded the train to Calcutta (with another packed lunch) and headed even further north.

Bubhanesware